Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
