I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
