At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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