do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
