some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
