Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
