Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
