You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
