saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
