just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
