He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
