I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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