Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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