He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
