You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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