Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You made out with two different species that night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
