my vag is so smooth its legendary
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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