you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
