white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
