omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just googled if crying burns calories
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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