i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
