I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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