Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
sex in a hospital.. check
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
