I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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