I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
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I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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