Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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