He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
