Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
