Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
