i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
