im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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