Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
