I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Drunk is not a location!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
