He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
