Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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