I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
