he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
