Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
