i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
MIDGETS
????
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
