These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
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Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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