so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
