I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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