she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
