I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
last night I used snow as a chaser