My hand turned me down
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.