I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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