ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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