I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
