god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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