So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
