The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He kissed a someone with a penis
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
