I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
