Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
