umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
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Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
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Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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