i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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