I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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