Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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