Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
