Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
