good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
