so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
