saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
