There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
