woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
