I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
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"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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