Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
