There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The best revenge is premature balding
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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