All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
