The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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