Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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